Preparing My Heart

As parents we are always in preparation mode. From the moment of their birth we begin to teach our children about the world around them. We allow them to explore and challenge themselves while we act as their safety net. Ultimately, we pray that our guidance and instruction helps them grow to be loving, kind, independent, and happy.

For the past few months at our house we have been preparing for Cassidy to enter Kindergarten. Because her birthday falls on September 16, just two weeks past the cut-off date for admission, we had to apply for Kindergarten Early Entry. When we first decided to apply for early entry, I was not prepared for the road ahead. This was not the simple evaluation and testing at the elementary school that I went through as a child (I started 1st grade at the age of 5). The requirements were so strenuous and time consuming that one could only assume the county wanted to discourage parents from even applying. But, we felt strongly that Cassidy was more than ready to start school - that holding her out another year would be a disservice to her - so we forged ahead.

The first step was testing through NCSU's psychology department - an IQ test and testing in reading and math. The county required that she score in the 98th percentile to be considered for early admission. We were warned multiple times by people at both the county and the university that most children do not meet the requirements - again I felt as if they were trying to discourage me - but nonetheless we scheduled her testing at the end of May. She met the testing requirements and we were thankful to have crossed the first hurdle.

Step Two was submitting a portfolio - yes, I said portfolio - that contained legal documents (birth certificate, health assessment, school forms, immunization records, test scores), two letters of recommendation, and work samples that showed exceptional work in mathematics, sciences, social interaction, dramatic play, creative production, art, and problem solving. The portfolio also had to include writing samples and a list of books that Cassidy could read independently. I labored over the portfolio and when it was finished it was a beautiful 2-inch binder that (I hoped) showed off my precious first-born's many abilities.

I took Cassidy's portfolio to the county office in person so that I could physically hand it to someone in the proper department and then, except for an e-mail to our elementary school principal, the process was out of my hands. It took a couple of weeks for the "committee" at the county office to review and approve her for consideration by the school. The portfolio was passed along to the school and we were then contacted and asked to bring Cassidy in to spend a day with the Kindergarten classes as part of a full-day evaluation.

That day was yesterday. So, at 8:20 a.m. I handed my baby girl over to a complete stranger, who happened to be a very nice Kindergarten teacher, and left. I had steeled myself for that moment - she was excited and I wanted to do nothing to take away from her joy and her love of school. And I was actually OK. I knew she was going to have an awesome day.

What I had not prepared my heart for was for what happened when I picked her up. As soon as we got out of the school, she burst into tears telling me she didn't like it and she was not going back. She had learned a big lesson, "Kindergarten is NOT the same as preschool!" Some boys were mean to her...they called her stinky. Many of the kids were misbehaving, "I was the best one there! I was always doing the right thing!" The lunchroom was noisy and the teachers kept yelling out how much time they had left...she didn't have time to finish her lunch. They didn't have a snack as I had promised they would. She was tired, hungry, and frustrated and all her woes came out in one big tidal wave. In the car she was yelling, "Attention Kindergarten Teachers: I will not be back to school ever again!" (At the time I was horrified...having flashbacks to when I started school and came home after the first day and dictated as my mother wrote a letter to my teacher that echoed those exact sentiments...however, I do now see the humor in her outburst.)

I was at a loss. We had worked so hard to get to this point...to get her into school. She had walked into that building this morning with excitement and love for school...now she hated it? My heart sank. What were we supposed to do now?

Trying to conceal any emotion, I comforted her, "Come on. Let's go home and we'll sit and talk about it." She ate the rest of her lunch on the way home, cooled off, and started to play once we were at home. I sat near her and started to ask questions about her day. "What did you do first?" Hesitant at first, she started to describe the activities of the day. Her face began to light up and she began to giggle as she told about some of the fun things she had done and some of the friends she had made. When our conversation was over she acknowledged that there were "26 good things in the day and 3 bad things" - she made up the numbers, but I'll take them because it's a landslide in favor of the good.

It took me a bit longer than Cassidy to process her day. As her mother, my first instinct is to protect her from anything that would hurt her, but it is also my job to prepare her to stand on her own, to deal with difficult people and situations, to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing. I hate it. I hate that the world is not like preschool, where they still pray at mealtime and where calling someone "underwear head" is a major offense. But, it's not and I have to prepare my heart so that I can help her deal with the hurt, disappointment, and frustrations that sometimes come with growing up and living in our imperfect world.

It helps me to remember that this time in our lives is not even a drop in bucket to the eternity that we will spend with God and his Son, Jesus Christ. And when that day comes, all our past sorrows will be washed away and there will be no more sadness or pain. What a great day that will be!

The best news from Cassidy's day at school - the teachers were very impressed with her and had already given a positive report. I am sure they realized that she had been put through an especially challenging day - she was there all day with total strangers on the 3rd to last day of school (so everyone was even wilder than usual) with students who were 2 years older than her and all knew each other AND they rotated her throughout the day between 3 Kindergarten classrooms - and they were pleased to see her handle it without a major meltdown. A school committee will meet in the next few days to make a final decision about her admission to school, but we are hopeful that we will be able to officially register her for school soon. And next time she walks through those school doors, my heart will be better prepared to help her deal with the challenges she'll face.

My Little Fishies

Cassidy and Lily have been able to go underwater for a couple of years, but don't really like to get their faces wet. This is what happened when I offered Skittles as a reward...they soon got over their apprehension and swimming underwater became a fun game!

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Lily's 1st Trip to the Dentist

Lily had her 1st dentist appointment yesterday. Apparently, going to the dentist is the MOST exciting thing about turning 3...she's been talking about it for months! :) The hygenist was really sweet and patient. Lily was a wiggly, but very friendly and cooperative patient...she kept sitting up during the cleaning, but I think that was a combination of being too small for the chair (so she was practically hanging upside down) and the excitement of getting a toy when the appointment was over! :)

The hygenist let her practice brushing using the giant teeth and toothbrush. She talked to the teeth like they were a patient, "We're almost finished, sir!" She also told the hygenist that she wanted to be a dentist's assistant when she grew up! :)

Except for a small crossbite which will probably correct itself, her smile checked out perfectly...why wouldn't it??? Look how beautiful!

The hygenist also had cute sunglasses for her to wear during the exam to keep the bright light out of her eyes.

Chillin' in the dentist's chair

The First Two Weeks

So, I've been putting off posting an update because I don't know that I have much of interest to share. But, since we've been working on our "Summer of Change" for two weeks now, I guess I should record our progress.

Becoming Pesca-Ovo-Lactotarians, or whatever the word is - Brandy, you keep telling me and I keep forgetting! - has been fairly easy. I didn't eat much meat to begin with and we are all loving eating so many fresh fruits and veggies. Coming up with a variety of meals that everyone will eat has posed a bit of a challenge, but I think that's partly because our brains still think of a dinner in terms of a meat, a veggie or two, and a grain. Thankfully we have some great cookbooks and my friend Brandy has also been posting some awesome recipies on her blog...I highly recommend the Tex-Mex pizza recipie...YUM!

My sewing is going well...albiet VERY slowly. I am hesitant to start any new part of my project without having a consultation with my fabulous sewing teacher. I have started on Lily's ECU cheerleading dress - even though I have not finished the pillowcase dresses - but am now on hold because I want to embroider and ECU logo on the front before sewing the rest of the pieces together. My embroidery supplies have been ordered and are in route...I'm hoping I can teach myself how to set the embroidery attachment up so I can really get moving. I have LOTS of embroidery projects planned but Step 1 is to learn to use the machine properly! :)

Part of the reason I haven't completed any projects yet is because another summer goal is for me to spend more time just being with the kids. I am physically with them 24/7, but I find that much of my time is spent taking care of everyone's basic needs and doing all the things I do to keep our household running and in order. Sometimes at the end of the day I realize that I haven't had a conversation with Cassidy that didn't involve what she wanted for lunch or a directive to do or stop doing something; I haven't held Finn except to nurse him; and I haven't taken the time to cuddle Lily and listen to her joke. This summer I'm going to make the time to snuggle for no reason at all, to roll around on the floor and play a silly game that has no name because we just made it up, to NOT always have a scheduled time for everything in our day. I'm just going to be with them, to listen to them, to laugh with them, to play with them, and to love them...remembering that these moments are precious and will be gone all too soon.

Excercise still eludes me at this point - 30+ minutes of exercise 5 times a week is another goal for the summer. I have a million excuses for why I can't seem to find the time...for why I'm snoozing at 6:30 a.m. when the girls come down to wake me up (I could be up exercising!) or why I jump into the bed as soon as we get the kids down with a bowl of popcorn to watch Hell's Kitchen....but the bottom line is that I need to make it a priority and make the time. I haven't figured out a solution yet (one that I'm willing to live with anyway)...maybe Joey and I can work out a schedule when he has some time off in July. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to eat healthy, move as much as I can during the day (carting Finn around should count as weight training, right?), and focus on all the good things I'm doing instead of feeling bad about the things I'm not doing.

One last thing - we've started a game at our house. This was not part of our original "Summer of Change" plan, but it fits in perfectly. I noticed that everyone at my house (me included) can be pretty negative at times. In an effort to change that we are playing the "Turn that Negative into a Positive" game. When you catch yourself or someone else saying something negative about themselves, others, or a situation, you must stop and change your negative statement into a positive. For example, while playing SingStar last night Joey said, "You're a good singer." I said, "No, I'm not." He called me on it, so I changed my statement to, "I like to sing, but I'm very shy." I believe that by continuing to confess positives instead of negatives we will see a positive change in our thoughts, our mindsets, and our outlook on life.

Lily's 3-Year Portraits

Here are some of my favorites from Lily's photography session yesterday. She was SUCH a ham...esp. once she realized that everyone thought she was SOOOOO cute! :) The fairy costume was a last-minute decision, but the pictures turned out great! :)

Our Fairy Princess

Little Lady

This one is my absolute favorite from the day!

The flowers were cute, but quickly became a distraction.

Beautiful Eyes

Sweet Girl

This is the REAL Lily...Sass and Attitude...full of herself! :)

Beautiful Smile

Man, I love that kid! :)

Looooooong lashes

I didn't get this one...but I love it.

Sweet Feet

Happy 10th Anniversary!

Ten years ago today I married my best friend, my teammate, my biggest fan, my love. He is the most amazing man, father, and husband I have ever known and there is no one I'd rather spend life's journey with. Happy Anniversary, Joey! I can't wait to spend the next 60+ years together...I plan on us living a looooooong time! I love you!

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Lily's 3rd Birthday

Lily's Cheer Bear Cake

The Birthday Girl

Opening presents from Mema and Gran, a fairy costume...

...and a Tinkerbell Ready-bed!

Posing with her cake

Kissing Cheer Bear

You have NEVER seen a child more excited to have "Happy Birthday" sung to her! Bless her sweet, little heart! :)

Blowing out the candles. She said she wished that Daddy would not have to go back to school ever again. Awww!

Chowing down on some cake! YUM!!!

Hey, Mom, where's MY cake?!?!

Cassidy enjoying a piece of birthday cake

Lily with her birthday banner...we made it as a family. :)

All smiles as she tests out her new Tinkerbell bed!

LOVE that big, beautiful smile!!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Lily Anne!

Sweet Lilybug,

I cannot believe another year has come and gone so quickly. Today we celebrate your 3rd birthday. It is amazing how much you have changed in the past year. You have grown so independent. You are writing your name and starting to read. You put on your own shoes and take yourself to the potty. And in the fall, after 2 years of waiting, you are finally going to preschool! I am so excited for you...you've been wanting to go since you were 14 months old!

Lily, I love how determined you are to succeed. I love your big, bright smile that lights up your face and the whole room and your contagious laughter. I love how you sing country, pop, rock, beach music, blues, Christian, and rap songs and do flips in the middle of the living room floor...all while shouting, "Look at me, Mommy!" I love your tender, kind, gentle heart, the way you love to snuggle, how you adore Cassidy, yet don't allow her to control you (at least ALL the time), and the way you tenderly watch over and play with Finny. I love how you love to help...doing the laundry, folding clothes, vaccuming and dusting, changing, dressing, and bathing Finny, and grocery shopping. I love how thankful you are and how graciously you show your appreciation to others. I love your heart for God, how you pray with boldness and share God's Word with others. I pray you will never lose your passion for God and His Word. You are a great example to me and you often remind me to trust God as my sufficiency. Your believing is a witness to us all.

Most of all, my sweet Lily, I love you! You are more wonderful, amazing, and precious to me than I could ever tell you. I thank God that I am your mother and that I have the privilege of watching you grow into a beautiful, young woman. I pray that God will continue to bless your life in the coming year and that you will continue to grow in His great grace and in a knowledge of Him.

I love you, my sweet girl! You are God's best!!!

Love,

Mommy

Summer of Change

Four and a half years ago when we first became parents, Joey and I could not have possibly known how dramatically our lives were going to change. We were realistic when it came to parenthood - we certainly didn't go in with any grand notions of the baby sleeping magically through the night and ONLY fussing when it wanted to be fed - but I don't think anyone fully understands how a baby affects every aspect of your life, your relationship, and your very being. Your life is no longer your own and in some ways it never will be again.

For me, that change was the most dramatic. Joey still went to work every day, saw and spoke to other adults, and was exposed to the outside world. I lived in a completely different world, surrounded by the same four walls, interacting only with one, then two, and now three, very demanding and often temperamental (albeit cute) little people. I took my role as a mother very seriously (I still do) and felt it was my job to spend my every waking moment doing something that was with, for, or about my children. It was the reason I had chosen to stay home with them and I was not going to waste my precious time. I still stand by the importance of my job as a mother, but after 4 1/2 years I have found that I somehow lost myself in the process...the person that was fun and interesting and could have a conversation that did NOT center around children.

I think Joey in his own way was feeling stuck in a rut, too, and so after much dicussion we have made a plan that we jokingly call the "Summer of Change." We have mapped out some long and short-term goals that I want to share on our blog...not because I think I have a huge readership, but because my brain doesn't function at 100% anymore and I want to remember where we started and where we wanted to go. I'll try to post as we start something new and then try to post updates of our progress. Here's what's currently underway:

1. I wanted to challenge myself to learn something new, so I have purchased a Singer Futura sewing/embroidery machine and with the help of my fabulous Aunt Brenda and a Beginner's Sewing class through Wake Tech I am learning to sew and embroider. My first project is a matching set of pillowcase dresses for the girls that I am hoping to embroider or applique with a cupcake. I've barely started - it's hard to find time to sew with the kids underfoot - but just sewing the first few seams was VERY exciting for me...esp. because they didn't look half bad! :) My goal is to work at least 1 hour in the evenings several times a week. When I'm not sewing, I want to read 2 books that Joey gave me for Mother's Day and Joey and I also want to spend time reading our bibles together.
2. Joey has been saying for years that he wants to write a book, so as he has time (or at least in the evenings while I am sewing) he is going to be working on a first draft. He's got lots of ideas and I've even read the first few pages of one of his stories. I'm really excited that he's finally taking some time to do something he enjoys.
3. Our family is going vegetarian. Before I offend anyone, I should clarify. There is a correct term for it that I don't know, but we are becoming what I call "borderline vegetarians." The kids and Joey are going to still eat seafood and we will also eat dairy and eggs. Basically, we are giving up beef, poultry, and pork. This was Joey's idea and I am excited to see what positive changes we will experience in our family's overall health. Joey has been reading several books to glean proper dietary information and some creative recepies. We still have much to learn, but we are committed to this lifestyle for the summer, after which time we will re-evaluate what works best for our family. The girls have taken this change in stride...the only time they even batted an eyelash is when they realized they couldn't have bacon. And I don't really blame them...I'm going to miss bacon, too.

There is more to come as the summer progresses, but Joey and I are already energized and excited as we tackle these new challenges.