Portraits

Since Cassidy was a baby I've been faithful about taking the kids every year to get their portait made for their birthday...but in the business of this fall I'd fallen down on the job. Earlier this week Joey insisted that I schedule an appointment for Cassidy and Finn "before they don't look like a 6-year-old and 2-year-old anymore!"

Cassidy asked me to put her hair in a bun for her pictures. Normally I'd say NO...her hair is just so lovely...but actually I'd had the same idea this year. Just in the last year she's started letting me pull her hair into a ponytail or bun sometimes and each time I do it takes my breath away. Without those mountains of strawberry blond curls drawing your attention, you really get a chance to see just how lovely her features are...her startlingly blue eyes, her smattering of freckles, her soft, pink lips, her smooth peaches and cream skin, and her eyelashes that go on for miles. I love that the focus shifted and we captured my girl in a new light.

I tried to talk up picture day to Finn...and he promised he would cooperate and smile for the camera. And he did cooperate beautifully, listening to directions and staying still. The photographer tickled, made silly faces, and all but turned flips for him trying to get a toothy grin, but all she got was his sweet, closed-mouth smirk. I think she was a bit baffled, but she has NO idea how great it was that she got a little smile out of him and not his serious Finny stink-eye. :)

And in the end, that's what counts.

Most days in our home there are fights over toys, meltdowns over homework, cries of "She's being mean!" or "Finn just hit me with Mr. Potato Head!" There is a 6-year-old who thinks she knows everything and hates to be wrong, a 4-year-old that seems incapable of controlling her volume and explosions of energy, and a 2-year-old that believes he's the king and screams at (or smacks) his subjects when they step out of line. I've been under the weather lately, so all this seems amplified, drowning out all the good...and there IS a lot of good, too. My patience is thin and I feel bad when I can't muster the energy for Cassidy when she begs me to "Carry me like you do Finn!" or Lily when she pleads, "Mommy, will you come out and play kickball with us? Please, Please, PLEASE!!!"

And then yesterday morning I dropped Lily off at preschool. I needed to pay her tuition in the office and pick up a beautiful canopy doll bed from her teacher's car (What an awesome Christmas surprise that will be!) so I sent Lily into the classroom and hurried off down the hall. I was halfway to the office when I heard my friend Caroline call, "Tracey, Lily needs you!" As I turned and started back toward the door Mrs. Colborn, her teacher, emerged from the room holding a red-faced, sobbing Lily. Mrs. Colborn put her down and she ran down the hall into my outstretched arms. As we stood there clutching each other, Lily's wet face buried in my shoulder, I realized that her great day at preschool couldn't begin without a hug and kiss from Mommy. In my haste that morning I had forgotten to say goodbye...to send her off to school with love. And she needed that...she needed me. I fought off my own tears, kissed her, and sent her back to class with a smile on her face. That's all she needed. Just me. And my love. All the other stuff - the arguments, the defiance, the meltdowns - are just a part of life, of growing up. But we love each other...and in the end, that's what really counts.