I have been very blessed in my life to have wonderful Christian women (my mom especially) who have been examples of trusting God, being thankful, and walking in love, but it has been in just the last year, as I began to rearrange my priorities, first in my heart, and then by taking a leap and pulling my girls out of public school and jumping headfirst into homeschool with a renewed focus on God first, family second, that I have really begun to understand what those character qualities mean and how deeply they impact your life when you choose to demonstrate them.
I started contemplating homeschooling for selfish reasons...I missed my girls, they were growing up so fast, and I was missing it. I also was sick of the rush, rush, rush of the school, homework, dinner, bed routine that left little time to truly connect with them. It seemed that most of my interactions with them were during our nightly homework battles. Surely, I thought, we could do this better.
So we did it. We started homeschooling. And the experience of being with all my children day in and day out, educating them, playing with them, attempting to teach them life skills has encouraged growth in my own heart and character that I was not expecting. I began to hear Michelle Duggar's words ringing in my head, "There are lots of little eyes watching to see how you will react," and I began to feel a heightened awareness of my actions and reactions and began to seriously consider what behavior I wanted to demonstrate. Did I want to fly off the handle or did I want to show my children how to have a cool, calm head in a difficult situation?
One of my favorite things about homeschooling is that we begin each day with prayer and reading the bible together. I - probably even more than the children - am learning (or relearning) such important truths from God's Word. Before Christmas we were reading about the children of Israel who were in captivity in Egypt. God does all of these amazing things to get Pharaoh to let them go, they leave Egypt with all sorts of riches, God protects them, parts the Red Sea...you know the story. But what kept smacking me in the face over and over as I read was the Israelites' lack of trust, thankfulness, and appreciation for what God had done for them. When things were going well, they were thankful and praised God, but as soon as something went wrong or another challenge arose, they completely forgot about all God had done for them and what He had promised he would do for them. They started complaining and whining and blaming Moses (who was speaking for God) and several times they said they wanted to go back to Egypt...to SLAVERY!!! It seems completely crazy when you read the records and the kids even realized how foolish the Israelites were being, but unfortunately we could also pinpoint instances in our own lives where we had behaved in the very same manner. We had remembered to be thankful, praise, and trust God when things were going well, but had allowed negative thoughts of doubt, worry, fear, and self-pity take over when faced with life's challenges.
It should be easy to trust God. In addition to all the wonderful records in God's Word, I know from personal experience that God is going to take care of me, that He will do "exceedingly abundantly above" all I could ask or think. Why should I ever have reason to doubt? But as Christians we still have that "old man" worldly nature that we have to continually put off as we put on the mind of Christ. And it's that old man nature that I am fighting against when I'm trying to make dinner, half the kids are melting down, the baby just put a scratch on my freshly painted wall, I just spent my entire day getting ready for our 5th house showing of the week (which involved cleaning a house with 5 kids in it, then packing up those kids, along with food, diaper bags, and school work and leaving home for the remainder of the day) and then the feedback from the showing indicates that the buyers didn't like the neighborhood so they didn't even come in the house. It takes effort (sometimes minute-to-minute effort) to control my thinking and renew my mind to what the bible says, to choose to be thankful, to choose to praise God, and to choose to trust Him as my sufficiency when life makes me want to run away screaming (or hide under my covers in the fetal position).
Challenging situations are always going to arise because we live in an imperfect world, but in the last 6 months I have seen that when I choose peace, love, kindness, thankfulness, praise, and trust, the outcomes are overwhelmingly more positive - even blessings - for me and my family. It is true that the woman sets the tone for her household and I see that as a living reality in my own life. A 3 1/2 hour traffic jam in the snow could have been a nightmare, but I resolved to stay light, positive, fun, and thankful. I kept professing those things to the kids and tried my best to make it a "fun adventure" rather than a scary or frustrating situation. The result? The kids played with what little we had in the car, entertained each other, imagined that we were on the Mayflower...and a couple of days later Cassidy asked if we could go on another car adventure! Amazing. God blessed us as we chose to serve Him to the best of our ability with our hearts, attitudes, and actions. God never fails...even in the little things.
That is what I have learned - and am still learning - this school year. I don't have control over much in this world, but I can control my thoughts, my heart, my attitude, and my behavior. And I choose JOY.
On New Year's Eve our family sits around the kitchen table, drinks sparkling grape juice and chooses a bible verse that represents our resolution for the coming year. Psalm 100 is mine:
Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing.
Know ye that the Lord He is God: it is He that hath made us, and we not ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good; His mercy and truth is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.
