In Honor and Memory of My Gran

My Gran is no longer with us. He slipped away peacefully today. Almost 95, he outlived his sister, two brothers, beloved wife, and one of his sons. His character was an example to all who had the honor of knowing him. I think my dad summed it up best:

We called Mr. Bolton “Gran”. Mr. Bolton would have rivaled Abraham Lincoln for his honesty and integrity. There were no gray areas where he stood and where you stood with him. “Gran” had a keen perception of people. He treated everyone with respect. Perhaps most of all he loved those grandkids especially when they were babies so he could hold them as long as possible.

My Gran grew up in Rich Square, North Carolina with his sister Dorothy ("Dartie") and his brothers Roscoe and Tipp. They didn't have indoor plumbing and Gran and his brothers - who always loved a good joke - would torture poor Dartie by locking her in the outhouse!

Gran was in school at NC State studying architecture - living in a trailer with several other young men, one of whom only had one leg so his friends had nicknamed him "Hop-a-long" - but as war escalated in Europe and it seemed that US involvement was imminent, he left school and joined the Air Force. He married my grandmother exactly one month before Pearl Harbor was bombed. Soon he was being sent to California to board a ship headed for Australia. His unit was delayed and missed shipping off on the original boat to which they were assigned...this was a miracle for our family as that ship was sunk and Gran most surely would not have survived.

Stationed in the Pacific Theater - specifically Australia - Gran flew strafing missions. Although he was witness to a good friend's plane being blown up right beside his, we all are very thankful that he did not have to live through the horrors of ground combat or see the aftermath of the bombs he had to drop. I don't know much about his time in the war. We do have lots of letters he wrote to my grandmother, but anything relating to his missions was cut out by the censors. After a bout of appendicitis nearly took his life, the Air Force sent him back to the states where he was assigned to train new pilots. He and my grandmother enjoyed traveling to different bases, seeing the country and meeting new people.

After the war, Mema and Gran settled in Richmond, Virginia to raise their 4 children and a host of pets. Gran loved animals, which is why I guess he allowed Sam the pig to come live with them in the city! My mother remembers him as always being behind his newspaper. He didn't often directly communicate with the children, rather he communicated through Mema, but my mother recalls one time in particular that he reached out to her. She had finished her first year of college at Virginia Intermont, but was supposed to stay on campus past exams to participate in a program for one of the clubs she was involved in. Mom wanted to skip out on the program and come ahead home. As my grandmother was helping her formulate a good excuse so that she could come home early, my mom received a letter from Gran encouraging her to do the honorable thing and keep her commitment. Even in the smallest of things, he was a man of his word and he expected the same from his children.

These, of course, are all stories I've been told. The Gran I knew always had silver hair and wore suspenders with just about everything. He greeted us with big hugs and kisses when we burst through his door on Moss Side Avenue and had endless patience for us. He trapped squirrels in his backyard and safely released them at a park. He recaned the many rocking chairs that lined the wraparound porch at his house. He volunteered endlessly at his church. He poked holes in the top of mason jars and let us catch lightning bugs in his front yard. Over the years, he added two full bathrooms to their single bathroom home. He sang along with the car radio, crooning in the style of Bing Crosby...he had a really nice singing voice! Ice cream was Gran's favorite dessert and he would sit for hours patiently cranking the handle of his ice cream machine on the back porch until he had a perfect batch of homemade peach ice cream. Like all the Bolton clan, he loved to laugh and would often laugh so hard that he could scarcely catch his breath. I'll never forget him howling at the holiday dinner table as my Uncle Monk talked about a "cricket picket." I was a child and have no idea what the grown-ups were joking about, but Gran sure got a kick out of it!

At Christmastime, Gran would load all us grandkids into the back of his pick-up truck and drive us around the neighborhood while we sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs. During other visits he'd take us all to Bryan Park where there was this wonderful little stream with big rocks in it. You could jump from rock to rock, which we all though was the most fabulous thing in the world. Gran would jump right along with us, but at some point would miss or slip and one of his boots would go into the water. His boots always seemed to have a hole in the side - maybe he wore his old boots on purpose - and we all thought it was hilarious to watch the water pour back out of the hole in the boot!

My cousins would always beg Gran to take us to the train station or the airport. My sisters and I were the youngest in the group, so we genuinely thought we were going to look at the planes and the trains...and we were plenty excited about that! Any outing with our cousins and Gran was a grand adventure as far as we were concerned. The reality, though, was that my cousins knew that there were vending machines at both locations and once we arrived they'd talk Gran into buying us each a candy bar! Gran probably knew what they were up to before we left the house, but he happily obliged and we all ended up with our own sweet treat!

As I said before, Gran loved animals. He had always heard that crows, if handled from infancy, could be tamed and even trained, so when a baby crow fell from its nest near his house he brought it home and began caring for it. Thus began one of the most beautiful and amazing experiences of his life. He and Little Bird formed a tender and very special bond. He taught her all sorts of tricks and they spent many a happy hour in each other's company. As fall approached, her family began calling to her and one morning after spending a few tender moments with Gran to say goodbye, she finally left. Gran was heartbroken, but what helped heal the hurt was writing their story and sharing it with our family. I am so thankful to have his words, his voice, in print that I can read and reread...it is truly a window into his heart. It is a beautiful story, which of course I cannot share in full here, but I do want to share with you the concluding paragraphs:

And so my story ends here of a loving and endearing relationship that enriched my life. It has been said the simple and unexpected pleasures and experiences often become our most precious moments and remembrances.

Now a final message to my children and grandchildren. Life is full of little surprises and extra pleasures. They are given you to enjoy. Be watchful and alert and always ready to take advantage of these "specials." Remember they were designed especially for you by the ONE who knows you best and what makes you happy. This was one of my "specials," as it came to me late in my life. My hope is having shared it in this way, you may come to love, enjoy and appreciate my little friend and remember her as your friend too!

I cannot begin to express how much I adored this man, how much I will miss hearing his voice and seeing his face at our Thanksgiving table, or how thankful I am that each of my children had the honor of being in his arms. I am so thankful for his love for God and for the loving example he set as the patriarch of our family. I am out of words, so instead here are some of my favorite pictures of one of the best men I've ever had the privilege of knowing:

Gran's gradeschool class...he's the one on the front row with the crazy hair!

Gran with his sister, Dorothy, and brother, Roscoe
(Can I just say how much I LOVE the giant bow tie?!?!)

From left to right: Roscoe, Tipp, Dorothy, and Stafford (Gran)



Gran and Mema...my favorite picture of them



A photo of the type of plane Gran flew in WWII

Gran's Flight Squad
(He's on the back row, far left.)

Gran and Mema both had beautiful blue eyes.

Gran's Flight School Graduation Announcement



Gran in a field overseas....anyone else wondering why he chose this moment as a photo opp?



Gran in his bomber jacket...this is before they were just a cool fashion statement! :)

So handsome in his uniform...

...not as fetching in all his flight gear! :)

Standing on his plane

I love this smile!

Planes at the airfield

Gran with his brother Roscoe at a family reunion in the Spring of 2006

Gran and Mema in their house on Moss Side Avenue

I've said this many times, but I'm going to say it once more: My Gran loved babies more than anyone else in the world. In fact, it was common knowledge in our family that if you wanted to hold the newest member of the Bolton clan, you'd better do it before Gran arrived...because once he got them, he wasn't going to let them go! I loved watching the tender way he'd talk to them and cuddle their sweet, little bodies. Here's just a few of my favorite baby moments:

Gran and Cassidy (Thanksgiving 2005)
Notice the giant spit-up stain on his shirt...he didn't even bat an eyelash.

Gran and Cassidy deep in conversation

Gran reading to Cassidy (Spring 2006)

Meeting Lilybug (August 2007)

This one is so beautiful that we have it framed in Lily's room.

Lily and Gran checking each other out (Thanksgiving 2007)

Stealing a kiss

Gran and Finn (Thanksgiving 2009)

I was stunned when Gran was able to pick up our 30-pound toddler! (Thanksgiving 2010)

This one just melts my heart!

Gran was always so tender with the little ones.

Snuggling with Gran at the Masonic Home (July 2011)
Finn just went into the room and climbed right into his lap. It was as if his little heart just knew how to comfort Gran's heart after Mema's passing.

Playing catch with Gran...I have some video of this as well as some of Cassidy talking with Gran that I will cherish forever.

Big throw!

Lily, Samantha, Finn, and Cassidy with Gran (July 2011)

Gran meeting Eli (August 2012)
He kept saying, "Look at the sweet boy, Mama."

Gran and Eli at Thanksgiving

Lily has always been a little shy around Gran, so this photo is especially precious to me as she went to hug him without prompting.

Cassidy hugging Gran

Eli, Finn, and Gran

Gran with his 10 great grandchildren

Gran with 7 of his 8 grandchildren

Gran and his children, Beverly, Marshall, and Susan

Gran with his children and their spouses

Stafford Lambertson Bolton
My Beloved Gran
April 17, 1918 - February 3, 2013