The moment of Cassidy's birth was an out of body experience. I felt as if I were watching it all happen to someone else. "Oh, she's so cute!" I heard someone say...and then I realized it was my voice, but it sounded hollow and far away. Devoid of any real emotion. And that's how I felt. Watching her emerge from my body was so unbelievable, so overwhelming that I really didn't feel...well...anything. Certainly not the breathtaking love that you're "supposed" to feel when you see your child for the first time. I was too busy thinking, "Did that REALLY just happen?!?!?"
A couple of days later, though, I was feeling that gut-wrenching love in full force. The lactation consultant found me cradling her, my face bent over hers, my tears washing over her precious face. The love I was feeling, combined with frustration over breastfeeding and sleep deprivation (let's face it, this was my first REAL experience with true exhaustion), conspired against me and I was having my first mommy meltdown. Unlike the breastfeeding nazi nurse from the day before, however, this grandmotherly lady was a blessing from God. She encouraged me, loved on my girl, and left me calmer than she found me.
That first night at home Joey and I ate pot roast from my mom at the kitchen table while Cassidy slept in the stroller next to us. Why we chose the stroller when we had plenty of INDOOR baby equipment, I have no idea. Then we geared up for our first of many sleepless nights.
Cassidy changed us in so many ways. We appreciated the little things in life...like sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time and getting through a whole day without someone spitting up on our clothes. But she also made us see the world differently. Seemingly average events...like a walk at the park...suddenly became exciting when we experienced them with her. Life's colors were more vibrant when we saw them through her beautiful, blue eyes.
It's been a decade - a lifetime it seems - since the day we first saw her, the day we became parents. I am so thankful for that moment and for all the moments that brought us there. Cassidy wasn't planned...I had every intention of teaching several more years before we started a family...but as it turned out it was the right time for us. The right time to become a family.
So thank you, Cassidy Grace, for being our first. Our guinea pig. The one to teach us about being parents, about being a family. The past 10 years have been the hardest and best of my life. Thank you for starting it all! I love, appreciate, and admire you more than I could ever say! May the next decade of your life be filled with God's great love and blessings. May you continue to grow in His grace and may you endeavor to know Him and serve Him in all that you do! I love you, my sweet girl! You are God's best!!!
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