When I was in 8th grade I was sitting in the principal's office - the reason WHY is a whole other story - and she asked me what I planned to study in college, what my future career would be. Until that very moment it had not occurred to me that a 12-year-old should have already made those decisions. Feeling panicked I mumbled, "I don't know." "College is only a few years away," she responded. "You really should figure out what you want to do." That afternoon I relayed all this to my mom. Although I don't remember her exact response, I feel sure it was along the lines of, "That's ridiculous!" as she reassured me that I didn't have to make a career choice before I even became a teenager.
Fast forward a few years to East Carolina University. I still didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. Before college I had considered studying music or marine biology, but gave up on those dreams because I didn't even play one musical instrument and there was a good chance that I wouldn't land one of the 10 jobs working with the dolphins at Sea World. I ended up studying technical writing in undergrad and stayed on to get my MBA. By the time I finished grad school I still wasn't sure what job I wanted...maybe something in marketing? That kinda sounded fun. (Not exactly sound decision making, but I was 20.)
Over the next six years, I hopped from job to job trying to find the perfect fit, attempting to ignite my passion. I tried different industries, start-up and established companies...heck, I even went into teaching. Of all of them, I enjoyed teaching the most - I felt I was making at least a small impact in a positive way - but I didn't have a burning love for my job. I envied those who truly seemed excited to go to work each day.
And then I became a mom. And it was hard, and messy, and noisy, and isolating, and exhausting. But when I'd finally fought through those first couple overwhelming years, when I had a little experience under my belt and was starting to feel comfortable in this new mom "skin," I realized I had found my passion. My children. My family. The opportunity to be my children's first teacher, to train them up in God's Word so that one day they will hopefully choose to serve Him with their talents in all that they do. The privilege to cultivate a peaceful, loving, Christian environment in our home. To care for my family's physical, emotional, and spiritual needs so that each one feels equipped to go out each day and shine as a light for God. It doesn't get any better than that...even if the job also includes temper tantrums, dirty diapers, endless piles of laundry and dishes, longer work hours, and less sleep than I've ever experienced. In fact, I don't mind - and often enjoy - taking on extra projects, going above the "minimum required" to try to give my family the very best. I've never experienced that in any other job.
I didn't say this to anyone for a long time. Facebook friends were living in exotic places, meeting exciting people, and doing amazing things and I was sitting on the floor in my living room singing Old MacDonald for 30 minutes straight wearing no make-up and the same clothes I'd had on the day before. Parent friends would share their excitement about returning to work when their children went off to kindergarten and I would nod and smile while wondering why that same idea made my stomach turn. Why wasn't I excited, too? Shouldn't I make better use of the MBA my parents paid for than tending to toddlers? Was I being lazy? Did I just not want to have to work? Should I have a bigger, better dream for my life?
Of course this line of thinking was foolish. Your dream isn't bigger than my dream and mine isn't better than yours. It's just different. Our interests and passions are different and that's what makes life so interesting. And my concerns about laziness and the proper use of my MBA were just plain BS. I've worked harder in the last decade than I have my entire life with no forseeable end in sight. And with all the managing, organizing, delegating, and multitasking I do each day, I think it's safe to say that I'm using my education. I can simultaneously answer a question about decimals, hold the baby, listen to a social studies lesson, make a quesadilla, time a math drill, and diffuse a toddler altercation like nobody's business. Even better, I manage to keep six small people alive all day every day. Frankly, I think that's something worth celebrating. :)
So I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I want to be a mom. (Wonder if I should contact my old principal and let her know.) And life is amazing because I get to live my dream.
